One of my relationship mantras is, “How can I love you better?” It’s something I ask myself and my partner. Long-term relationships are a dance; they require us to do our personal work and endure the hurricanes and tornadoes that we’d most likely detour in dating.

In writing this blog, I reached out to my community for their top tips on how to take impeccable care of your partner. I interviewed both sex and relationship professionals and lady friends who have been in very successful (healthy, happy, and sex-satisfied), long-term relationships.

I wasn’t surprised by how many of my friends shared similar thoughts. At the top of the list of cultivating a thriving LTR was prioritizing time for each other. Many couples dutifully carved out a night a week, a day a month, and a holiday a year just for the two of them.

Two professionals both voiced the importance of taking care of yourself, stating that exquisite self-care was not just a gift for yourself, but also something that fed your partner.

Sex and relationship coach, Jenna Valentine, offered this powerful piece of advice.

“My #1 tip is to honor your partner(s) by deeply honoring yourself. We can give so much more honestly and authentically when we are giving from a place of fullness. When we know how to nourish ourselves, we can nourish our partners without expecting or needing anything in return.”

(Sidebar: hopefully our partner is also giving from a place of abundance as well).

One World Podcaster and writer friend, Kaia Tingley, reminds us to be willing to keep working on your relationship, even when you don’t want to. She said,

“Take care of your partner, listen carefully to what they say and want and then believe them.”

This rang like Sophia’s bell of wisdom.

Listen…deeply…earnestly…wholeheartedly to your lover!

In a Hawaiian tidal pool, I had another conversation on this topic with an extraordinary woman, getting ready to hike the Appalachian Trail with her husband of over 20 years. She also believed active listening was essential in fostering deep intimacy in her relationship.

It was almost like they were talking directly to me. Heard!

The sentiment of showing him appreciation was also repeated throughout these conversations. I felt a treasured friend really hit on something savory, when she texted me back with these sentiments,

“Allow him to take care of you. Give him the opportunity to do things for you even when you know you can do them yourself. Then show him your appreciation. Not just with a thank you, but with a hug, a sweet kiss or just a touch on the leg with a starry gaze.”

We tend to take our significant other for granted, thinking they’ll always be there, and it is easy to forget all the little things that make a difference and brighten their day.

A dear sister whose relationship has stood the test of time and trials offered this nugget of advice that applies to all,

“Love him for who he is now, not for a version of him you wish for.”

These truths complimented many of the statements I had on top of my list like: Respect and trust him. Give him space. Maintain your individuality. Offer him praise. Keep the polarity vibrant.

One bodacious sex educator finally chimed in with what one might assume would be scribed in the top three tips.

“Enthusiastically and devotedly suck his cock,” she smiled knowingly. “Let him know you desire him and dive into his cock.” Thank you, Ann!

In closing I’ll share something that I’ve observed to be crucial in keeping my relationship flourishing: Every man is unique, demanding a different dash of this and a measure of that—it’s relational alchemy, the love potion no one’s talking about.

Just like all cis-gendered, het women need their man to hold the nurturing masculine pole that I like to call Daddy from time to time, men need a dose of Demeter—the great mother goddess of nurturing.

But don’t stop there; there are two more acute angles to this triangle. To keep your man smitten and your relationship spot on, you’ll need a hefty measure of Aphrodite, the goddess of love. Although she’s primarily associated with romantic love, don’t be fooled; Aphrodite is from mild to wild, the goddess of sexuality, and for many men, she sits at the apex of the triangle. Last, but far from least, is Philotes, the goddess of friendship and affection that I like to merge with Charis, the goddess of charm, beauty, nature, and creativity.

Each man requires a special blend of mother, lover, and companion from their feminine partner. Be sure to tap into all of the attributes these Greek goddesses offer and discover your man’s personal concoction.

May your relationships thrive and continue to be transmuted and transformed in the crucible of love.

Stay Blessed,

Bella LaVey

Fetish Girl: A memoir of Sex, Domination and Motherhood

Interested In Support?

For guidance exploring this topic with a certified human potential and sex coach, reach out here for a free 20 minute consultation with me, Bella.