One pathway that opens the doors to enhanced passion is Polarity Play, and I’m here to tell you how to take your first steps.
Sexual polarity is that unmistakable magnetic chemistry we feel when we meet someone with an energy that opposes our own. It’s what makes a scene smokin’ hot. It’s the backbone of power exchange. And it’s the critical ingredient to sizzling sex.
This arc of erotic energy occurs naturally all the time. All natural forces flow between two poles. The positive and negative poles of a battery create an electrical flow and the masculine and feminine poles between people create a flow of sexual energy. You know it when you feel it—it’s electric! And it’s obvious when it’s not present. A positive charge and a negative charge attract, but positive-positive and negative-negative repel each other.
Emotional attraction is created by connection, compatibility, and the similarities we share. It’s the overlap in a relationship that makes us feel connected and close. Sexual polarity isn’t necessary for love or friendships, but it’s essential for sexual attraction in a relationship. To ignite fierce passion, there needs to be a ravisher and a ravishee. One partner must be willing to play the masculine role while the other plays the feminine.
To be very clear, this does not inherently refer to gender. Whatever your orientation, gender, or natural essence, one is not better than or subordinate to another. This isn’t about male/female; it’s about the masculine and the feminine, which all genders embody. Masculine does not equal male, and feminine does not equal female, but for clarity and ease of reference I use the pronouns “he” and “she” to represent the masculine and feminine.
No woman is exclusively feminine and no man exclusively masculine. All humans have a mixture of masculine and feminine perspectives, values, and behaviors and operate at different points along the masculine-feminine continuum. We need to be able to inhabit the traits of both the masculine and feminine to effectively navigate the day. But most women identify with the feminine, and most men identify with the masculine and are attracted to someone whose essence is their opposite. We all seek the yin to our yang and vice versa.
So how do you know if your core essence is masculine or feminine? Well, if your ideal lover is bigger than you—that’s a feminine desire. And if your perfect lover is smaller than you—you’re leaning to the masculine. Do you want to be penetrated during sex and surrender to your lover? This is a feminine desire. Do you want to enter, open and fill your lover? This is a masculine desire. The feminine radiates attraction and entices, and the masculine initiates and pursues. The feminine is chaos, the masculine is order. They are two aspects of the same thing. One does not exist without the other.
The principles of the masculine and feminine are fluid, but when we get to the bedroom, or the playroom, we deliberately step more fully into opposite polarities to create a robust arc of attraction with our lover. The more we pull ourselves apart and move to the edges of the masculine-feminine continuum, the more intense the erotic connection. Once we understand this, we can bring a more artful approach to our sexual lives and swim in the glory of being our full feminine or masculine selves.
The foundation of Polarity Play is laid long before we ever get to f*cking. Both sexes need to learn how to cultivate their most developed masculine and feminine gifts. It’s the wise woman who understands that at the heart of her femininity is the ability to open, flow and surrender. Men need to grasp that unwavering purpose and direction are the underpinnings of masculinity.
The key is simple—wholly embody and amplify your natural essence and exaggerate the polarities together.
Women seek a strong, confident and take charge, dominant lover. They need to trust that their masculine partner can weather their emotional storms in and out of the bedroom. The feminine needs to relinquish control to open, flow and surrender more fully into her core essence. Surrender is essential for deep orgasmic states.
Men who identify with the masculine need to take the reins in the bedroom and connect to their dark, primal nature. Women who embrace the feminine polarity long to feel claimed by their masculine partner to open to their receptive, wild and free-flowing nature. The feminine will continually test her partner to see if he can catch her when she falls. When a man hesitates, the woman contracts and that’s the last thing you want your woman to do when it comes to sex.
Once you start to play with these polarities, you’ll be ready to further explore your core essence, and when you can do that, you’re at the doorway for the best sex of your life.
I dive into erotic personas, role-play, and specific sexual practices that amplify polarity in Part 2.
Keep it sexy. Make it sacred.
How's Your Sex life?
Every partnership has the potential to harness sexual power and pleasure. Learn more about my coaching program for couples.