The first time I had a non-clitoral orgasm and experienced orgasm as an energetic portal it blew my mind; sex would never be the same. My boyfriend and I had rented a cabin in the forest for a love-making weekend. Away from the demands of motherhood and work, I relaxed. We had hours with nothing to do but touch and explore each other. We’d learned a few techniques in Tantra class and spent time talking and getting honest with each other in ways we never had before. That level of authenticity and transparency was new to me and its effects were transformative. We fell more in love and became closer than we’d ever been. There were no longer secrets; spoken fears and shame dissolved. He smothered me in “I love yous,” and adoration as he fucked me.

Tears streamed down my face as he explored my cavern with his fingers, his cock, and a glass dildo. I let go of a façade of strength and released the body armor I’d been sheathed in for decades. And as I surrendered, I had my first vaginal orgasm. I didn’t hold back. The more I opened, the more pleasure rippled through me. I felt innocent, cracked opened, holy, whole, utterly transformed. The effects would last for several days. I soaked the bed with my first amrita, the nectar of immortality otherwise known as squirting. Holy Fuck!

Have you ever wondered how many different types of orgasms you can have? I’ve seen a myriad of numbers slung out in various articles. If you do a quick google search, you’ll find numbers like: The 4 Most Essential Orgasms. 11 types of Female Orgasm. The 12 Different Types of Orgasm. Male Orgasms and the 14 Unique Types of Orgasms.

Clearly, we’ll never agree on how many orgasms we’re capable of any more than we’ll be able to count the number of stars in the sky. What most (holistic) sex educators agree on is that women are capable of clitoral, G-spot, cervical, blended, and multiple orgasms. And men are capable of experiencing ejaculatory and non-ejaculatory penile orgasms and prostate orgasms. But, don’t limit yourself to just those. We all have the capacity to orgasm beyond definition

The first time I discovered that orgasm didn’t necessarily require genital stimulation I was eighteen years old and, in a women’s, shamanic ceremony. I stood naked against a wall with women on either side of me. The shaman was guiding us in the Cherokee Fire Breath. A half-hour in and tingling all over, I was doing my best to follow the instructions when I felt and witnessed the woman standing next to me having what I would now call a full body orgasm. I had never seen anything remotely like it. Her hands hadn’t even touched her vulva or body. I knew I should keep my attention to myself but it was so awesome to behold, her entire body quaking and spasming. I couldn’t help but be swept into the powerful pleasure current that was running through her.

I’ve also watched people orgasm from nipple stimulation, being touched lightly in the small of their back, having their toes sucked, and through anal stimulation. Women can orgasm while giving birth. Some people with severe spinal cord injuries have rediscovered orgasm beyond the genitals. Google Glen Callender and watch him have multiple orgasms by stimulating the ridged band of his foreskin. He’s so inspiring and has a lovely lingham. Unfortunately, millions of men will never experience the ridged band orgasm because they’ve been circumcised, more about that coming in a future blog.

Gratefully, our understanding of the multitude of orgasmic possibilities has evolved beyond the volcanic eruption that is often experienced during ejaculation for men, or upon the climax of clitoral stimulation for women that was documented in Masters and Johnson’s four-phase model. We’re redefining our sexuality and we’re redefining our orgasms and the sky’s the limit.

I define orgasm as a moment, minutes and/or days of altered states of consciousness, euphoria or transcendence which are often associated with ripples of pleasure. Orgasms take us out of the mundane and into sublimity. 

What I hope you’ll take out of this blog is that orgasm is so much more than a moment of intense pleasure that constitutes the culmination of sex. It’s far more than a physical release. The benefits of orgasms are far-reaching. On the physical level, orgasms boost the immune system, relieve pain and support health and vitality. On an emotional level, orgasms open our hearts and bring us closer to our partner while carrying an enormous possibility for healing. On a spiritual level, we can merge with the Divine as we come into communion with the true essence of the universe—love.

XO,  

Bella LaVey 

Fetish Girl: A memoir of Sex, Domination and Motherhood