Q: #DearBella, I have been married to the same man now for ten years. Long story short, sex has become nonexistent over the last three years due to impotency.

I am 53 and he is 63. He tried low T therapy, hated it and refused to continue. 

Now the ugly reality is a vibrator and a strap on. I miss having a real man. He makes me feel like a science experiment. No love, foreplay or intimacy.

What do I do?

– Despondent Wife

A: #Dearest DW, occasionally a question keeps me up at night; yours is one of them.

Thank you for reaching out. I see you. I hear you. I feel you.

First, the good news, you asked for help and energy flows where attention goes. Your situation will change. I know it.

I implore you to be the initiator. It’s time to transform your world.

The unfortunate news is that your partner isn’t taking your needs into consideration. Three years, girlfriend? That’s a long fucking time to be poked with a softie and cuddling a Hitachi. 

Any mindful partner would have addressed the sexual needs of their significant other and gone to bat years ago for her needs and their relationship. If he hasn’t done that by now, he probably isn’t going to. It sounds like he’s given up.

I have compassion. Originally, I planned to give your husband sexual rejuvenation practices, believing if he dedicated himself to changing, his virility would return.

But the hell with it, if he’s interested he can contact me. It’s a lifestyle. There ain’t no magic pill.

A skilled lover could fuck you into oblivion with a dildo, but I understand your yearning to be penetrated by a man. Nothing replaces the cock in my world. 

Here are my suggestions…

1. Keep your sexual energy flowing! It’s vital to your wellbeing. Please do not allow your own juicy femininity to dry up. Keeping your succulence alive is easier than chasing after it. Think about signing up for a dance class. Belly dance, tantric dance, tango, or salsa class; anything that will feed your sensuality.

Take a woman’s workshop that focuses on somatic expression. Your body and spirit need a place to emote and be nourished. 

2. Have a heart-to-heart with your man. Tell him how sexually frustrated and miserable you are. With your husband’s blessing, find a way for you to get your immediate sexual needs met. I suggest a tryst with a younger man. Shoot for a stud in his early thirties. And don’t make this a threesome. Make this about you. Get yourself properly fucked so you can think straight again.

3. Write a personal ad – With no agenda other than using it as a cathartic practice to discover what you are truly looking for. Spend time with it. Work on it until it sends a current of electricity through you when you read it.

It’s time to take care of yourself sister and to take a good hard look at your relationship. It’s time for you to love you!

Ask, “Does this serve me?”

Ask, “What does my precious aching soul long for?”

You can’t change him. But he can.

There are a number of treatments for erectile dysfunction. A daily dose of rhodiola rosea extract and eleuthero is a great place to start.

Nobody said life would be easy, but it’s far from over. I pray that you’ll be divinely fucked in the near future and I hope to hear back from you bubbling over with good news.

XOXO, Bella



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