Rumi would make a great sex coach. 

Really! He’s a star in the modern holistic community and rightly so. 

Mystic and Sufi poet of Persian literature, Rumi describes love as a flame which, when it blazes up, burns away everything except the Everlasting Beloved. 

Inspired by his wise contemplations, I’ve created a sweet and simple ceremony to connect to the Sacred within yourself and your partner. Enjoy. 

Our task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Create Space: Set aside at least a couple of hours of uninterrupted, device-free time to spend with your beloved, preferably when you are both well rested.

Make a Love Nest: Set the tone and put on soothing instrumental or devotional music, something that evokes sacred to both of you. Have everything you might need nearby: a blanket, massage oil, lubricant, water, and a hair tie. If you have the time, build a love altar with sacred objects, flowers, incense, and a candle.

Have no goals or agenda other than connection: Dim the lights, set aside worries, and slow your breathing. Prop yourselves up with pillows and get comfortable. Allow your body to wind down. Feel your breath flow in and feel your breath flow out.

Come out of the circle of time and into the circle of love.

See the Soul: Sit facing each other and begin with a meditation I’ve dubbed, I See You. Be fully in the present moment. There is no right or wrong. Sit in noble silence and behold the marvelous human before you. Look into your beloved’s soul through their eyes. See their sincerity, their wounds, their scars, their vulnerability, and their goodness. Smile with your eyes. Let the corners of your lips turn slightly upward and relax the muscles in your face. Allow gratitude and adoration for your beloved to build in your heart and wash over you.

When your chest is free of your limiting ego,
Then you will see the ageless Beloved.
You cannot see yourself without a mirror;
Look at the Beloved, He is the brightest mirror.

Decide in advance who will go first for the next three steps. You will bow to your partner, offer them a verbal blessing and kiss their brow. Have the receiving partner take a few moments to anchor the blessing into their heart before offering the bow, blessing and kiss to the giver.

Bow to your Beloved: You have created a field of love that transcends the self, a sacred matrix of loving presence. Keep this holy presence with each other.

Ground yourself, strip yourself down to blind loving silence.

Offer a Loving Blessing: For example “Darling, I see you, and I am most grateful for this time together. Thank you for making us a priority.” Keep it simple, keep it slow, keep it connected.

Kiss the Center of your beloved’s forehead: May your kiss carry your mindfulness, your respect, your honor, and your joy. May your kiss be filled with reverence. May your kiss be a healing, a prayer, and a communion of love.

Marinate in the Experience: Don’t get lost in thought. Resist the urge to be pulled into fantasy. Pay no attention to technique and allow your lovemaking to flow organically.

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere,
they’re in each other all along.

Bask in the beauty of your lover and listen for their song. As Arne Garborg once said,

To love someone is to learn the song of their heart and to sing it back to them when they have forgotten.

Bella LaVey