Dear Sacred Slut,
My wife of over 30 years enjoys receiving oral sex but, she is addicted to orgasming with her vibrator. After several minutes of good oral sex from me, when she is dripping wet and near orgasm, she will ask for her vibrator and for me to use our G-spot tool on her. Then she will use her vibrator on herself and have a massive orgasm.
What can I do to help wean her off of her vibrator and have an orgasm from oral sex or intercourse with me? I know she can come both of those ways as she has done it before, but it was years ago.
Down and Determined
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Dear Down and Determined,
First the bad news… you can’t. We cannot MAKE our partners do anything. The only way she is going to wean herself off the jack hammer is if SHE wants to. The good news: it is possible to wean ourselves off of just about everything electronic. I sense how desperately you desire for her to orgasm with your godstick deep in her cave or with your lips wrapped around her pearl. If she decides to take this task on she will need new practices to awaken the feminine, such as tantric dance. This will help her relax and put her in communion with her body. Encourage her to be patient and gentle with herself.
It appears you are both chasing after a clitoral orgasm. Women are cable of a variety of orgasmic experiences with clitoral orgasm being the most superficial. Instead of going for a simple tension and release orgasm, have her practice edging. Ebb, flow and surrender into a juicy state of extended sexual arousal. It’s probably taken years to desensitize her sweet bud; her body will need time and new neuron pathways to deprogram from the buzz. It takes commitment to retrain the nervous system.
During this process the emotional body will likely go through layers of expression from sorrow to anger and everything in between. She will need to allow herself to surrender and unravel and you must be prepared to hold space for her as she does. In order for her body to deeply surrender into bliss she must first be emotionally opened. She needs trust you.
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Here are a couple suggestions but overall I would be less concerned with technique and more focused on deeper heart connection.
1) Experiment and lay off the clitoral orgasms.
2) Switch up your sexual repertoire. Be disciplined and do not slide into habitual patterns. If you normally fuck in the bedroom, make a love nest in the living room.
3) Focus on her pleasure. Don’t forget your digits! When she is close to the edge of orgasm from oral sex you can dip your fingers in coconut oil and rock around the clock. Picture the top of the clit as 12 o’clock and the bottom as 6. 1AM is a magic hour.
4) Have you ever tried talking dirty to her? Does she have a naughty fantasy you can elaborate on?
5) Stay in communication. Give her simple yes or no questions. Do you want more pressure? Faster? Slower? Does this feel good, my love?
6) Help her relax. Breathe with her, make sure she is taking full breaths and not clenching her ass or pussy.
7) While she is resetting her body, explore some new sexual avenues. Light some candles, tie her up and eat dinner off her belly with Billy Holiday crooning The Man I Love in the background. Be sure to feed her the first bite!