Wait for the knock. Glance in the mirror a final time and check your hair and lipstick. Are you polished, darling? It’s show time! Take a deep breath, open the door and purr out your sexiest hello. Big smile. Be dressed appropriately; stilettos to the sex worker are like ties to the businessman. Heels establish immediate authority. They change the lines of the body and enhance your natural curves.
Professional sex workers have a screening process. Many escorts require references. At the very least, you should have clients complete an online questionnaire and require a deposit with a credit card. This process filters out the riff-raff. Be alert; you still need to rule out a potentially unstable client or an undercover cop at the door. Trusting your gut cannot be underestimated. ESP is a heightened sixth sense for the seasoned sex worker. If necessary, you can always feign illness, call for room service, and quickly usher the client out with earnest regrets. Over time, your initial assessment will become smooth and refined.
Always let a reliable person know where you are and when your session is scheduled to end. Leave them with a sealed envelope that contains a print out of your itinerary including your client’s name and email address.
In my fifteen years of working in the sex industry I have never felt my life was in danger or had a run-in with the law, but horror stories are found in every profession. Take precautions: have common sense, stay in nice hotels, educate yourself, and use your intuition. Make a habit of scanning for signs beyond the palpable mixture of excitement and fear. Trembling and sweating are common for first-timers. They are after all, about to engage in illegal sexual activity and, more often than not they are cheating on their wives.
After the client has completed your booking requirements ask them to confirm in an email twenty-four hours prior to their appointment and to arrive freshly showered and on time. I greeted my clients in a floor-length black velvet robe with a fur-lined collar and cuffs in the winter or a silk kimono in the summer. Under the slippery robe I wore a silk thong, Parisian stockings, and a garter belt.
As I sauntered to the sitting area I was acutely aware of the effect I had on my client and the illusion I was creating. My creamy, well-defined thighs slid through the slit of the robe. My perfume was barely detectable, as it should be. You want your client to sip your fragrance like tea, not leave smelling like they’ve been tossing down shots at a department store cosmetic counter.
Invent your own elixir of seduction. I projected a mien of mystery, a splash of coquetry, a dab of danger—a persona I cultivated and honed over many years. I am an aesthete, a healer, and an erotic artist. I crafted an art out of transforming myself into a vessel of pleasure. Think of yourself as an exotic piece of fine art and the ambiance you create as a subtle gateway drug to exultation.
Once the client is inside, take their coat and offer them a glass of water. Make them feel welcomed and comfortable. If you are respectful and conscientious, you will elicit the same from your client. Even if you are a dominatrix and the client has requested a heavy humiliation session, don’t skip over this segment.
Lead them to a chair in the sitting area. Mini-suites are the best working rooms. Rearrange the parlor to suit your needs. If you are on tour, request a room with two queen-size beds. One bed remains sacred space. Order extra towels and washcloths for cum towels or filch them from the housekeeping cart.
It’s customary to chat for the first few minutes of a session but start the clock as soon as they walk in the door. Most clients appreciate a little transition time before plummeting into sexual fantasy. Let them catch their breath. Often important details are revealed while reviewing the requested role-play.
Money. Get your money before proceeding further with first-time clients. Many sex workers and their clients believe that if funds are not physically changing hands then they are not technically exchanging money for sexual services. I doubt this would hold up in a court of law, but ask the client to leave his donation or love gift on the table. I provided little red envelopes, a Chinese custom for exchanging money. Count it, secretly if you can, before the client has departed. Put 20% away. You’ll thank me later.
Be an expert in your field. Be adept at turning yourself on and do so. Know who are your colleagues and who is your competition. Never gossip or discuss the business practices of other girls with your clients. Have a support system, hire a coach or counselor, and find a mentor. Keep detailed client notes and reference them. You will be amazed how valuable they are. Protect your health and provide safe sexual services. Have a safeword that you or your client can use to stop the session. Know your boundaries and maintain them.
Stay in your body and frequently go within to your secret place of solitude I call “The Sanctuary of The Soul” and ask yourself: “Does this nourish me and deepen my capacity for love and compassion? Am I in expansion or contraction?” You must love yourself. Self-care is essential. To prevent burnout do not overbook, stay in tune with your cycle and have a decompression ritual. Keep your personal life and problems to yourself. Stay in character. You are a fantasy; act like one.
If this is your calling, you may feel a spiritual resonance to sexually serve, please, heal, and awaken—though there is no sin in being calculated and ambitious. Whatever your reason, grandiose or otherwise, I beseech you to uphold a high level of integrity and treat all your clients with adoration and kindness but know how to be firm when necessary.
I know of no greater advice than this; if you are in the business of sex then please, have peace in your heart and no shame in your pleasure. Do not forget the silent tragedies that live in the hearts of those you touch and the power of your touch to transform. You are an emancipator, a revolutionary of the soul.
Do not shirk from the relevance and necessity of who you are and what you give to the world—but be prepared for the reality that the world will still curse you. The world will bleed you down to vulgarity and reduce you to a zipless fuck and a whore. You must shield yourself from the acrimony of others and, without an iota of animosity, practice amorality, nonconformity, and nonrecognition of their judgment. Be irreproachable.
Someday this too shall change, and freedom of expression and religion will also pertain to sex, and you will be crowned the holiest of priestesses. Until the Messiah returns to restore the courtesan to her gilded throne dissociate yourself from those who stifle your desires and rebuke your purpose while crossing themselves in contempt. Live free, dissident daughter, and dance your wild, beautiful, dirty dance.
You are worthy, cherished, and loved.
Fetish Girl: A memoir of Sex, Domination and Motherhood
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I recently learned of the Sexual Surrogate role. It is a legalized version of the sacred prostitute for modern times. I am so grateful to know that these men and women exist to help people heal from their sexual pains and trials. Thank you for sharing this insightful and supportive piece, Bella. These women are performing an exceptionally vital role and should be respected and paid well for it.
Thank you, sister! Stay tuned for an upcoming interview with Dr. Susan Kay. Dr. Kay is a sex therapist, professor, and trainer for surrogate partner therapy (sexual surrogacy) and the co-founder of the Institute for Mind Body Therapy.
The work you have done is axing and I’ve only read one article. I look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing your experience!
I hoping “axing” is a cutting edge! Thanks for reading and taking the time to leave a comment. Always grateful. Stay blessed!
OMG I loved it! I can only imagine the comments and stories you hear from clients and I for one try to keep my negativity to a minimum when I meet with one of you lovely ladies for a fantasy evening. But I bring to these sessions a lot of pain and disappointment from unmet needs (or wants – depends on your perspective) and look so forward to escaping the dullness of everyday life for just a moment with a kind, caring, wonderful lady who treats me with me great kindness and understanding. You’re great!
This is brilliant! Reminds me of my “Gentleman’s Etiquette Guide to Sensual Massage” where I share similar tips for FBSM providers. There is so little information out there on this biz because the ladies have to hide behind closed doors. Thank you for speaking out and supporting sex workers who need some loving guidance!
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