Dear Sacred,

My husband and I are about to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. We have two darling, rambunctious kids and not a lot of time or energy left for our relationship. Over the years our sex life is become pretty vanilla, though we are still very active and very much in love. I would love some ideas to make this anniversary special.


Mojo Momma


Dear Mojo Momma,

Happy anniversary! Bravo for taking the initiative to ignite the scintillating sparks of passion in your relationship. Two kids take a lot of energy. Juggling parental duties and intimacy requires finesse and creativity. Over the years I’ve witnessed that partners who treasure their intimacy and keep it a priority in the midst of raising children, stay the closest, happiest and sexiest together. So make this anniversary special by creating a long-term plan to keep your sexual relationship spicy and juicy.


First, set aside a block of uninterrupted, kid-free and device-free time together. Maybe the kiddos can sleep over at Grandma’s? Wouldn’t that be nice? Have some down time together and decompress with a walk. Do what you gotta do to unwind. Make sex a ritual. Undress each other and take a bath together. Bath play is delicious. Have a little container of coconut oil handy and after sensually washing your lover, lube his cock, balls and taint for a water massage. If you’re unsure of what to do next, a great ice-breaker is the The Kama Sutra Deck: 50 Ways to Love Your Lover. This is a simple and easy way to learn and explore together. The deck probes all kinds of positions and touch. Here’s an example:

Vatsyayana describes the more extreme masochistic practices as ‘painful, barbarous and base, and quite unworthy of imitation.’ Indeed, while less is usually more when it comes to making it hurt so good, that doesn’t necessarily mean none is more. Even in the most tender of relationships, it may not be a bad idea to take a peek at what’s on the other side now and then, just to keep things lively.

My suggestion is to start a deck of your own kinky cards. This may require a little pre-party shopping. You can both contribute. For your anniversary ask him to make three cards and you do the same. Examples that come to my dirty mind… you asked:


  1. Feed me your seed and make me beg for it.

  2. Use the anal beads on me tonight.

  3. There is a collar under your pillow, pick it up with your teeth and present it to me on your knees.

  4. I would like to feel your tongue inserted into my _______ while I am blindfolded.

  5. Prepared yourself for inspection, I want you in your heels and nothing else.


Keep adding to the deck. Push the get-yo-freak-on edge gradually and discover what works and what doesn’t. Maybe watch some porn or read kinky literature with your hubby to give you both ideas. Be on the watch for what gets a rise out of your man. Keep a sense of humor and laugh when things get silly.
I hope you can regularly set aside a half-day a week for mommy-daddy time and leave the kids with a sitter. The happiest couple I know has set aside a day a week together for over 20 years. They swear that’s what has kept the sexy verve and tenderness alive for them. You and your man can switch off on setting the tone for the day. This way he can give his input into what non-vanilla activity he might want to explore that week. Keep your date night even if you are both feeling crunchy or tired. It’s important to learn to love through our weariness and not wait until all the stars and planets have come in alignment to pull out the bag of toys.

Keep It Slutty, Make It Sacred &  Have A Happy New Year!